Dearest Jane (Poem #102)

The words I said
were the words I meant
the nights we shared
were the nights well spent

I do not and will never regret
the nights we were together
or the fucked up days
you screwed me over

But Jane,
by the time you read this
I’m probably already be on a plane
and you’d probably be cursing me
for forgetting your goodbye kiss
for not thinking about your lips

But let’s set aside the lust
this is more than that
this is for a fact,
more than us

Fucked up days
but intimate nights
it was you who brought up
the poisonous love
it was me who couldn’t say your words back
because I pretended to be in shock
although I saw that coming
and have always been in doubt

You kept saying it
love, love, love
I got tired of it
so I learned to say it back

Officially yours
I have to stay loyal
I closed all doors
couldn’t talk to girls
without your approval

But Jane,
one girl came
and I was never the same again
because she doesn’t need to talk
she doesn’t need a word
with a single look
I gave her my world
even though she never asked

Me and her
we went along for quite some time
even when you are still mine

I told her about you
intrigued with what she’d do
but she doesn’t seem to mind
and so I guessed it would be fine
if I keep loving you both
at the same time

I know someday
I have to choose
between who will stay
and who I’ll lose
and that day came too soon

I wasn’t prepared that Monday afternoon
when she got a call
telling her she got the role

She never asked me to decide
for she knew I’d choose
to be by her side
but still I thought about you and asked her
“What will I do with my love for Jane?”

A stupid question for me to ask
but my thoughts were screaming
because even when I’m leaving
I was thinking of you
I was thinking when I’ll see you again

I bet your thoughts right now
are no longer about my whereabouts
I know you’re coming up with a plan
you’re about to take me down
and you expect me to run

But I won’t scurry away
instead I’d get on my knees
and beg you to consider
my well prepared apology

Yes Jane,
track me in this city
pursue your plans
but please allow me to say sorry
before you assassinate me
❤️