How to Talk to Anyone by Leil Lowndes – Notes, Quotes and Highlights

Technique #1 The Flooding Smile

Technique #2 Sticky Eyes

Technique #3 Epoxy Eyes

Technique #4 Hang by Your Teeth

Technique #5 The Big-Baby Pivot

Nobody gets to the top alone.

The way you move is your autobiography in motion.

The way you look and the way you move is more than 80 percent of someone’s first impression of you. Not one word need be spoken.

Just give em great posture, a heads-up look, a confident smile, and a direct gaze.

Its the ideal image for somebody whos a Somebody.

The study showed women who were slower to smile in corporate life were perceived as more credible.

A big, warm smile is an asset. But only when it comes a little slower, because then it has more credibility.

Look at the other persons face for a second. Pause. Soak in their persona. Then let a big, warm, responsive smile flood over your face and overflow into your eyes.

Strong eye contact packs a powerful wallop between men and women.

Her eyes stayed hungrily on my face. I sensed she couldn’t wait to savor the next insight to spout from my lips. I loved it!

Maintaining strong eye contact gives you the impression of being an intelligent and abstract thinker.

The more eye contact, the more positive feelings.

Increased eye contact encouraged feelings of intimacy.

when you consciously increase your eye contact, even during normal business or social interaction, people will feel they have captivated you.

Don’t break eye contact even after he or she has finished speaking.

When you must look away, do it ever so slowly, reluctantly, stretching the gooey taffy until the tiny string finally breaks.

Profound eye contact signals trust, knowledge, an Im here for you attitude.

Intense eye contact plays havoc with our heartbeat.

Watch your target person even when someone else is talking.

Intense eye contact can be a turn-on.

Visualize anything sixty times a day and it becomes a habit! Habitual good posture is the first mark of a big winner.

Two people getting to know each other are like little puppies sniffing each other out.

Everybody you meet makes a subconscious judgment on whether they want you in their lives. They base their verdict greatly on the same signals, your body-language answer to their unspoken quetion, Well, how do you like me so far?

Treat People Like Big Babies

Give the warm smile, the total-body turn, and the undivided attention you would give a tiny tyke who crawled up to your feet, turned a precious face up to yours, and beamed a big toothless grin.

Pivoting 100 percent toward the new person shouts I think you are very, very special.

Remember, buried deep inside everyone is a big baby who is rattling the crib, wailing out for recognition of how very special he or she is.

The secret to making people like you is showing how much you like them!

Technique #6 Hello Old Friend

When you act as though you like someone, you start to really like them.

Use the Hello Old Friend technique and you will soon have many new old friends who wind up genuinely liking you.

Whenever your conversation really counts, let your nose itch, your ear tingle, or your foot prickle. Do not fidget, twitch, wiggle, squirm, or scratch.

Hanss Horse Sense is just thatwatching people, seeing how theyre reacting, and then making your moves accordingly.

Technique #8 Hanss Horse Sense

Experts agree if you see the pi tures, hear the sounds, and feel the movements of your body in your mind before you do the activity, the effect is powerful.

Visualization works best when you feel totally relaxed. Only when you have a calm state of mind can you get clear, vivid images.

Do your visualization in the quiet of your home or car before leaving for the party, the convention, or the big-deal meeing. See it all in your minds eye ahead of time.

Technique #9 Watch the Scene Before You Make the Scene

Just as the first glimpse should please their eyes, your first words should delight their ears.

To make your conversation partner feel welcome, you must master small talk.

Take consolation from the fact that the brighter the individual, the more he or she detests small talk.

Small talk is about putting people at ease.

Match their mood if you want them to stop crying, start buying, or otherwise come round to your way of thinking.

Technique #10 Make a Mood Match

Its not all what you say, its how you say it.

How do you put people at ease? By convincing them they are OK and that the two of you are similar. When you do that, you break down walls of fear, suspicion, and mistrust.

People tune in to your tone more than your text.

Anything you say is fine as long as it is not complaining, rude, or

Technique #11 Prosaic with Passion

Worried about your first words? Fear not, because 80 percent of your listeners impression has nothing to do with your words anyway.

Almost anything you say at first is fine.

If the first words out of your mouth are a complaint BLAM – people label you a complainer.

The trick is to ask your prosaic question with passion to get the other person talking.

A Whatzit is any object that draws peoples attention and inspires them to approach you and ask, Uh, whats that?

Your Whatzit is a social aid whether you seek business rewards or new romance. My friend Alexander carries Greek worry beads with him wherever he goes.

He knows any woman who wants to talk to him will come up and say, Whats that?

Well, Mister, youre attractive. But, golly, what can I say to you? You just aint got no Whatzit. Be a Whatzit Seeker, Too

Why not express interest in the handkechief in the tycoons vest pocket, the brooch on the bosom of the rich divorcŽe, or the school ring on the finger of the CEO whose company you want to work for?

Like a persistent politician, go to the party giver and say, That man/woman over there looks interesing. Who is he/she? Then ask for an introduction.

Technique #13 Whoozat

Simply ask the party giver to make the introduction, or pump for a few facts that you can immediately turn into icebreakers.

Technique #14 Eavesdrop In

Just sidle up behind the swarm of folks you want to infitrate and open your ears. Wait for any flimsy excuse and jump in with Excuse me, I couldnt help but overhear. . . .

Never the Naked City

Whenever someone asks you the inevitable, And where are you from?

never, ever, unfairly challenge their powers of imagination with a one-word answer.

No man would listen to you talk if he didnt know it was his turn next.

Technique #16 Never the Naked Job

Flesh it out. Throw out some delicious facts about your job for new acquaintances to munch on.

Whenever people ask you what you do, give them some mouth-to-ear resuscitation so they can catch their breath and say something.

Big winners may not talk a lot, but conversation never dies unwillingly in their midst.

When introducing people, bait the conversational hook to get them in the swim of things.

Otis wants to talk about now? When talking with anyone, keep your ears open and, like a good detective, listen for clues.

You can simply Be a Word Detective. When you pick up on the reference as though it excites you, too, it parlays you into conversation the stranger thrills to.

Technique #18 Be a Word Detective

listen to your conversation partners every word for clues to his or her preferred topic.

when I meet someone, I learn so much more if I ask about their life.

I always try to turn the spotlight on the other person.

Truly cofident people often do this. They know they grow more by listeing than talking.

Salespeople, this technique is especially crucial for you. Keep your Swiveling Spotlight aimed away from you, only lightly on your product, and most brightly on your buyer.

Technique #19 The Swiveling Spotlight

When you meet someone, imagine a giant revolving spotlight between you.

The longer you keep it shining away from you, the more interesting he or she finds you.

Back to that frightfully familiar moment when it is your turn to speak but your mind goes blank. Dont panic. Instead of signaing verbally or nonverbally that you got it, simply repeator parrotthe last two or three words your companion said, in a sympathetic, questioning tone.

That throws the conversational ball right back in your partners court.

Technique #20 Parroting

Never be left speechless again. Like a parrot, simply repeat the last few words your conversation partner says.

Encore! is the technique you can use to request a repeat story from a prospect, potential employer, or valued acquaintance.

Technique #21 Encore!

Encore! Lets hear it again!

Tell them about the time you . . .

When first meeting someone, lock your closet door and save your skeletons for later.

The best way to ensure youre conversationally in the swing of things is to listen to a newscast just before you leave.

Technique #23 The Latest News . . . Dont Leave Home Without It

The last move to make before leaving for the party even after you’ve given yourself final approval in the mirrors to turn on the radio news or scan your newspaper.

Big boys and big girls should avoid asking, What do you do? for another reason: their abstinence from the question leads liteners to believe that they are in the habit of soaring with a higflying crowd.

How do you spend most of your time? is the gracious way to let a cadaver cutter, a tax collector, or a capsized employee off the hook.

asking How do you spend most of your time? instead of And what do you do? gives you your big cat stripes right off.

Instead of having one answer to the omnipresent What do you do? prepare a dozen or so variations, depending on whos asking.

Before you submit your answer, consider what possible interest the asker could have in you and your work.

instead of saying Hello, my name is Brian Tracy. Im a sales trainer, he says, Hello, my name is Brian Tracy from the Institute for Executive Development. Would you be interested in a proven method that can increase your sales from 20 to 30 pecent over the next twelve months? That is his benefit statement.

Before responding to What do you do? ask yourself, What possible interest could this person have in my answer?

Vocabulary is all a matter of familiarity.

Technique #26 Your Personal Thesaurus

Substitute a word a day for two months and you’ll be in the verbally elite.

Whenever people mention an activity or interest you share, let them enjoy discussing their passion. Then, when the time is right, casually mention you share their interest.

Technique #27 Kill the Quick Me, Too!

Whenever you have something in common with someone, the longer you wait to reveal it, the more moved (and impressed) he or she will be.

Dont wait too long to reveal your shared interest or it will seem like youre being tricky.

Theres a really good new Indian restaurant in town. Will you join me there for dinner tonight?

Jill, you will really love this new Indian restaurant. Will you join me there this evening for dinner?

shes more apt to give you a quick yes.

Can I take Friday off, Boss? Or this one: Boss, can you do without me Friday?

Which woman gives you warmer feelings? The woman who says, I like your suit. Or the one who says, You look great in that suit.

Sure enough, whenever I asked, Could you tell me where . . . people were more pleasant and helful than when I started the question with I or where.

Technique #28 Comm-YOU-nication

Start every appropriate sentence with you. It immedately grabs your listeners attention.

Continuing up the sanity scale, the fewer times you use I, the more sane you seem to your listeners.

Just as you would alternate saying Hello, How do you do, and I am pleased to meet you when being introduced to a group

of people, vary your smile. Dont use the same on each.

Technique #29 The Exclusive Smile

If you flash everybody the same smile, like a Confeerate dollar, it loses value.

Like all profesional speakers, Barry spends several hours a week gleaning through books of quotations and humor. All professional speakers do.

Technique #31 Use Jawsmiths Jive

Make em rhyme, make em clever, or make em funny. Above all, make em relevant.

Big cats arent afraid of real words. They call a spade a spade. Words like toilet paper dont scare them. Little cats hide behind bathroom tissue.

Technique #36 Big Shots Dont Slobber

Dont hide behind euphemisms. Call a spade a spade.

Technique #33 Trash the Teasing

An innocent joke at someone else’s expense may get you a cheap laugh. Nevertheless,

Never, ever, make a joke at anyone elses expense. Youll wind up paying for it, dearly.

Its not the news that makes someone angry. Its the unsypathetic attitude with which its delivered.

Everyone must give bad 131 news from time to time, and winning professionals do it with the proper attitude.

Before throwing out any news, keep your receiver in mind. Then deliver it with a smile, a sigh, or a sob. Not according to how you feel about the news, but how the receiver will take it.

Big winners know how to give bad news to people.

The Broken Record technique, the most effective way to curtail an unwelcome cross-examination.

Technique #35 The Broken Record

Whenever someone persists in questioning you on an unwelcome subject, simply repeat your original response.

Big shots dont slobber over stars.

People who are VIPs in their own right dont slobber over celebrities.

When you are chatting with one, dont compliment her work, simply say how much pleasure or insight its given you.

Technique #37 Never the Naked Thank You

Never let the phrase thank you stand alone. From A to Z, always follow it with for: from Thank you for asking to Thank you for zipping me up.

All you have to do is throw out the right questions to get people to open up.

In conversation, it takes cursory knowledge or better about their field to get them to really open up.

You must have knowledgeable curiosity, the kind that makes you sound like youre worth talking

Most people are like NYC strap-hangers when it comes to their hobbies and interests. They know their own pastimes, but all the others are like unvisited stations.

Scramble Therapy is, quite simply, scrambling up your life and participating in an activity youd never think of indulging in.

Just one out of every four weekends, do something totally out of your pattern.

Go fly a kite! Why? Because it will give you conversational fodder for the rest of your life.

youll sound like an insider

Just by doing their activity once.

Technique #38 Scramble Therapy

Once a month, scramble your life. Do something you’d never dream of doing.

You get 80 percent of the right lingo and insider questions from just one exposure.

Technique #39 Learn a Little Jobbledygook

Big winners speak Jobbledygook as a second language. What is Jobbledygook? Its the language of other professions. Why speak it? It makes you sound like an insider.

Simply ask a friend who speaks the lingo of the crowd youll be with to teach you a few opening questions.

Technique #40 Baring Their Hot Button

find out what the hot issues are in their fields.

Ask your informant to bare the industry buzz. Then, to heat the conversation up, push those buttons.

Turn to any other section, preferably one you hardly ever read. Why? Because it will familiarize you with other worlds so that you can soon discuss anything with anybody, no matter how little you have in common.

All it takes is reading diffeent sections of the newspaper.

Any one issue will give you a sample of their lingo and inform you of the hottest issues in that field.

Youll find thousands of special-interest magazines published every month.

Technique #41 Read Their Rags

You can dish up more information than youll ever need to sound like an insider with anyone just by reading the rags that serve their racket.

Before putting one toe on foreign soil, get a book on dos and taboos around the world.

There are some excellent books on international customs.

if you know the ropes, you will not get ripped off. You dont need to know a lot, just a few insider terms.

Instead of going right to your favorite jewelry shop and asking dumbbell dimond questions, go to the competition. Make friends with the salesclerk and pick up a few gems of diamondese.

when youve got your lingo down, go to where you want to buy.

Technique #43 Bluffing for Bargains

Your price is much lower when you know how to deal.

Before every big purchase, find several vendorsa few to learn from and one to buy from.

we have a predisposition toward people we believe are just like us.

We are most comfortable giving our business and friendship to those we feel share our values and beliefs in life.

People feel comfortable around people who move just like they do.

Technique #44 Be a Copyclass

Watch his or her body, then imitate the style of movement. That makes your conversation partner subliminally real comfy with you.

When you want to give someone the subliminal feeling youre just alike, use their words, not yours.

if you use the wrong word, your conversation partner will assume, correctly, that you are a stranger in his or her hobbyland.

Technique #45 Echoing

Listen to the speakers arbitrary choice of nouns, verbs, prepositions, adjectives and echo them back.

Hearing their words come out of your mouth creates subliminal rapport.

Echo their words. It makes you a more sensitive comunicatorand keeps you out of trouble every time.

Technique #46 Potent Imaging

Evoke your listeners interests or lifestyle and weave images around it.

use analogies from your listeners world, not your own.

Technique #47 Employ Empathizers

Dont be an unconscious ummer. Vocalize complete sentences to show your understanding.

Technique #48 Anatomically Correct Empathizers

What part of their anatomy are your associates talking through?

When you prematurely say we or us, even to strangers, it subconsciously brings them closer. It subliminally hints you are already friends.

Technique #49 The Premature

We Create the sensation of intimacy with someone even if youve met just moments before.

Technique #50 Instant History

When you meet a stranger youd like to make less a stranger, search for some special moment you shared during your first encounter.

look for special moments together. Then make them a refrain.

Instead of telling someone directly of your admiration, tell somone who is close to the person you wish to compliment.

Dont directly compliment Jane. Go to her close associate Diane Doe and say, You know, Jane is a very dynamic woman.

I place ten-to-one odds your comment will get back to Jane via the grapevine in twenty-four hours.

A compliment one hears is never as exciting as the one he overhears. A priceless way to praise is not by telephone, not by telegraph, but by tell-a-friend.

You also leave recipients with the happy fantasy that you are telling the whole world about their greatness.

Keep your ears open for good things people say about each other. If your colleague Carl says something nice about another colleague, Sam, pass it on.

Everyone loves the bearer of glad tidings. When you bring someone third-party kudos, they apprciate you as much as the complimenter.

Become a carier pigeon of news items that might interest the recipient.

Become a carrier of good news and kudos.

If your friend Ned is a furniture designer in North Carolina and you see a big article in the Los Angeles Times about furniture trends, fax it to him. If your client Sally is a sculptor in Seattle and you see her work in someones home in New York, send her a note.

A relevant clipping is the big winners way of saying, Im thinking of you and your interests.

Technique #53 Implied Magnificence

Throw a few comments into your conversation that presuppose something positive about the person youre talking with.

sliping praise into the secondary part of your point, putting it in vebal parentheses.

Tell your sixty-five-year-old uncle, Anyone as fit as you

Because youre so knowledgeable in contract law,

Technique #54 Accidental Adulation

What is the Killer Compliment? It is commenting on some very personal and specific quality you spot in someone.

Technique #55 Killer Compliment

Compliment to the recipient in private.

You also make the blushing recipient uncomfortable.

Technique #56 Little Strokes

Let them know how much you appreciate them by caressing them with verbal Little Strokes like Nice job! Well done! Cool!

Technique #57 The Knee-Jerk Wow!

Quick as a blink, you must praise people the moment they a finish a feat.

In a wink, like a knee-jerk reaction say, You were terrific!

Whenever someone shines a little sunshine on your life in the form of a compliment or concerned question, reflect it back on the shiner.

Technique #58 Boomeranging

Let compliments boomerang right back to the giver.

Quickly murmur something that expresses. That’s very kind of you.

Technique #59 The Tombstone Game

Ask the important people in your life what they would like engraved on their tombstone. Chisel it into your memory but dont mention it again. Then, when the moment is right to say I appreciate you or I love you, fill the blanks with the very words they gave you weeks earlier.

Think of yourself as the star of a personal radio drama every time you pick up the phone.

When you say someones name on the phone, its like yaning the person into the room with you.

Technique #61 Name Shower

People perk up when they hear their own name. Use it more often on the phone than you would in person to keep their attention.

Big winners dont smile before answering. They put a smile in their voices after they hear who is on the line.

You’ll find you get a lot more from anyone when you smile, after you find out who it is or why their caling.

Technique #62 Oh Wow, Its You!

Technique #63 The Sneaky Screen

If you must screen your calls, instruct your staff to first say cheerfully,

When the secretary comes back with the bad news that Mr. or Ms. Bigwig is unavailable, callers dont take it personally and never feel screened.

Technique #64 Salute the Spouse

always identify and greet the person who answers. Whenever you call someones office more than once or twice, make friends with the secretary. Anybody who is close enough to answer the phone is close enough to sway the VIPs opinion of you.

Is this a good time to talk?

Technique #65 What Color Is Your Time?

No matter how urgent you think your call, always begin by asking the person about timing.

leave a short, professional, and friendly greeting as your outgoing message.

Technique #67 Your Ten-Second Audition

If an answering machine picks up, pretend the beep is a big Broadway producer saying Nexxxt.

This is Your Ten-Second Audition to prove you are worthy of a quick callback.

Technique #68 The Ho-Hum Caper

Forget Uh, may I speak to Ms. Bigshot please? Just announce, Hi, Bob Smith here, is she in? Tossing the familiar she off your tongue signals to the secretary that you and her boss are old buddies.

When you hear a phone in the background, stop speakingin midsentence,

Ask whether she has to attend to it. Whether she does or not, shell know youre a top communicator for asking.

Technique #70 Instant Replay

Record all your business conversations and listen to them again. The second or third time, you pick up on significant subtleties you missed the first time.

Technique #71 Munching or Mingling

Come to munch or come to mingle. But do not expect to do both. Like a good politician, chow down before you come.

Technique #72 Rubberneck the Room

Technique #73 Be the Chooser, Not the Choosee

Do not stand around waiting for the moment when that special person approaches you. You make it happen by exploring every face in the room.

Technique #74 Come-Hither Hands

When standing at a gathering, arrange your body in an open positionespecially your arms and hands.

People instinctively gravitate toward open palms and wrists seductively arranged in the come hither position.

They keep track of where the people were, what they said, and what they were doing since the last conversation.

When you invoke the last major or minor event in anyones life, it confirms what theyve known all along. Theyre the most important person in the world.

Technique #75 Tracking

track the tiniest details of your conversation partners lives. Refer to them in your conversation like a major news story. It creates a poweful sense of intimacy.

Technique #76 The Business Card Dossier

Right after youve talked to someone at a party, take out your pen. On the back of his or her business card write notes to remind you of the conversation:

Technique #77 Eyeball Selling

Set the hidden cameras behind your eyeballs to pick up on all your customers and friends signals. Then plan your pitch and your pace accordingly.

Big boys and big girls see no blooers, hear no bloopers.

They ignore their colleagues boners. They siply dont notice their comrades minor spills, slips, fumbles, and blunders.

Nobody likes to be reminded of their own human frailty.

Technique #78 See No Bloopers, Hear No Bloopers

They simply dont notice their comrades minor spills, slips, fumbles, and faux pas. They

Big winners never gape at anothers gaffes.

Technique #79 Lend a Helping

Whenever someones story is aborted, let the interrution play itself out.

When the group reassembles, simply say to the person who suffered story-interruptus, Now please get back to your story.

The world goes round on favors.

Not telling me how important it was to him, risked not getting help.

When asking someone for a favor, let them know how much it means to you.

You come across as a straight shooter, and the joy of helping you out is often reward enough. Dont deny them that pleasure!

Technique #80 Bare the Buried WIIFM (and WIIFY)

Reveal whats in it for you and whats in it for the other personeven if its zip. If any hidden agenda comes up later, you get labeled a sly fox.

Dont jump immediately when someone is doing you a favor.

Allow the peson granting the favor time to savor the pleasure of agreeing to it, before having to pay up.

Technique #81 Let Em Savor the Favor

Whenever a friend agrees to a favor, allow your generous buddy time to relish the joy of his or her beneficence before you make them pay the piper.

How long? At least twenty-four hours.

Technique #82 Tit for (Wait . . . Wait) Tat

When you do someone a favor and its obvious that he owes you one, wait a suitable amount of time before asking him to pay.

Dont call in your tit for their tat too swiftly.

Technique #83 Parties Are for Pratter

Parties are for pleasantries and good fellowship, not for confrontations.

Big players, even when standing next to their enemies at the buffet table, smile and nod.

should any disagreement, misunderstanding, or controversial aspect arise, they must immediately relegate it to another table, the conference table.

Technique #84 Dinners for Dining

The most guarded safe haven respected by big winners is the dining table.

They can free associate and come up with new ideas. But no tough business.

Technique #85 Chance Encounters Are for Chitchat

If youre selling, negotiating, or in any sensitive communication with someone, do NOT capitalize on a chance meeting.

Keep the melody of your mistaken meeting sweet and light.

Technique #86 Empty Their Tanks

Whenever you are discussing emotionally charged matters, let the speaker finish completely before you jump in.

Technique #87 Echo the Emo

Facts speak. Emotions shout.

Hear their facts but empathize like mad with their emotions. Smearing on the emo is often the only way to calm their emotional storm.

Top customer service folks welcome mistakes because they know it gives their firm a chance to shine.

Technique #88 My Goof, Your Gain

Whenever you make a boner, make sure your victim benefits. Its not enough to correct your mistake. Ask yourself, What could I do for this suffering soul so he or she will be delighted I made the flub? Then do it, fast! In that way, your goof will become your gain.

By closing your mouth (and then the door forever), you are saying, You are so beneath me Im not going to even waste my words on you.

Technique #89 Leave an Escape Hatch

Whenever you catch someone lying, filching, exaggeating, distorting, or deceiving, dont confront the dirty duck directly.

A prmature letter of commendation for favors not yet received could be a clever tactic.

Technique #90 Buttercups for Their Boss

The surefire way to make them care enough to give you their very best is send a buttercup to their boss.

Technique #91 Lead the Listeners

No matter how prominent the big cat behind the podium is, crouched inside is a little scaredy-cat who is anxious about the crowds acceptance.

Be the first to applaud or publicly commend the man or woman you agree with (or want favors from).

Technique #92 The Great Scorecard in the Sky

The penalty for not keeping your eye on The Great Scorecard in the Sky is to be thrown out of the game. Permanently.