Do Something Nice for Someone Else-and Don’t Tell Anyone About It

One should give for the sake of giving, not to receive something in return.

“Life is what’s happening while we’re busy making other plans.”

Mark Twain said, “I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.”

Your job is to try to determine what the people in your life are trying to teach you.

From “Why are they doing this?” to “What are they trying to teach me?”

“Do I want to be ‘right’-or do I want to be happy?”

In the bigger scheme of things, being late is “small stuff.”

If you look deeply enough, you can almost always see the innocence in other people as well as in potentially frustrating situations.

What’s before me-my present challenge-isn’t “life or death” but simply a minor obstacle that must be dealt with.

The way to be happy is to let go, and reach out.

Ask Yourself the Question, “Will This Matter a Year from Now?”

Allow Yourself to Be Bored

I find myself laughing at things that I used to take far too seriously.

“People are no longer human beings. We should be called human doings.”

if you allow yourself to be bored, even for an hour-or less-and don’t fight it, the feelings of boredom will be replaced with feelings of peace. And after a little practice, you’ll learn to relax.

Much of our anxiety and inner struggle stems from our busy, overactive minds always needing something to entertain them, something to focus on, and always wondering “What’s next?”

It’s almost as though we’re frightened at the thought of not having something to do, even for a minute.

When you allow your mind to take a break, it

comes back stronger, sharper, more focused and creative.

Lower Your Tolerance to Stress

You’ll notice that the people who say, “I can handle lots of stress” will always be under a great deal of it!

When you’re feeling out of control and resentful of all you have to do, rather than roll up your sleeves and “get to it,” a better strategy is to relax, take a few deep breaths, and go for a short walk.

Once a Week, Write a Heartfelt Letter

Part of the value of the letter is to gear your thinking toward gratitude.

Write your first letter this week. I’ll bet you’ll be glad you did.

Repeat to Yourself, “Life Isn’t an Emergency”

The first step in becoming a more peaceful person is to have the humility to admit that, in most cases, you’re creating your own emergencies.

Life will usually go on if things don’t go according to plan.

Spend a Moment Every Day Thinking of Someone to Thank

The more genuinely grateful I feel for the gift of my life, the more peaceful I feel.

If you wake up in the morning with gratitude on your mind, it’s pretty difficult, in fact almost impossible, to feel anything but peace.

Smile at Strangers, Look into Their Eyes, and Say Hello

You’ll also notice how nice and grateful people can be

when you’re the first one to reach out.

Set Aside Quiet Time, Every Day

When I set aside quiet time for myself, it makes the rest of my day seem manageable.

Become a Better Listener

Everyone loves to talk to someone who truly listens to what they are saying.

Choose Your Battles Wisely

A more peaceful way to live is to decide consciously which battles are worth fighting and which are better left alone.

If you don’t want to “sweat the small stuff,” it’s critical that you choose your battles wisely.

Become Aware of Your Moods and Don’t Allow Yourself to Be Fooled by the Low Ones

Remind yourself, “Of course I’m feeling defensive [or angry, frustrated, stressed, depressed]; I’m in a bad mood.

The next time you feel low, for whatever reason, remind yourself, “This too shall pass.” It will,

Life Is a Test. It Is Only a Test

“Life is a test. It is only a test. Had this been a real life you would have been instructed where to go and what to

it reminds me to not take my life so seriously.

If, on the other hand, you see each new issue you face as a serious battle that must be won in order to survive, you’re probably in for a very rocky journey.

Rather than struggling with your issue, see if there is something you can learn from it.

Praise and Blame Are All the Same

Rather than feeling rejected by disapproval, you can remind yourself, “Here it is again. That’s okay.”

I always prefer approval over disapproval. It feels better and it’s certainly easier to deal with. The more content I’ve become, however, the less I depend on it for my sense of well-being.

Practice Random Acts of Kindness

Often a single act of kindness sets a series of kind acts in motion.

giving is fun and it doesn’t have to be expensive.

If we all do our own part, pretty soon we will live in a nicer world.

Know that when the postal clerk is moving slowly, he is probably having a bad day, or perhaps all of his days are bad.

When your spouse or close friend snaps at you, try to understand that, beneath this isolated act, your

loved one really wants to love you, and to feel loved by you.

Underneath even the most annoying behavior is a frustrated person who is crying out for compassion.

when you’re not frustrated by the actions of others, it’s a lot easier to stay focused on the beauty of life.

Your heart, the compassionate part of you, knows that it’s impossible to feel better at the expense of someone else.

Each time you resist “being right,” and instead choose kindness, you’ll notice a peaceful feeling within.

“If you had an hour to live and could make only one phone call-who would you call, what would you say, and why are you waiting?”

The less you care about seeking approval, the more approval you seem to get.

It will bring you far more joy to your life to know that you have done your part and someone else in your family has one less thing to do,

Weatherproofing means that you are on the careful lookout for what needs to be fixed or repaired.

The less often you weatherproof your partner or your friends, the more you’ll notice how super your life really is.

Spend a Moment, Every Day, Thinking of Someone to Love

“Thinking of someone to love each day keeps your resentment away!”

Then I ask myself the question, “Who shall I send love to today?”

As “being interested, without judgment, in the way other people choose to live and behave.”

Becoming an anthropologist is a way of becoming less frustrated by the actions of others.

Can’t believe they would do that,” instead say something to yourself like “I see, that must be the way she sees things in her world. Very interesting.”

Judging others takes a great deal of energy and, without exception, pulls you away from where you want to be.

Head with limitations that will frighten you from trying. In order to become a writer or anything else, the first step is to silence your greatest critic-you.

The fact that we can’t see the beauty in something doesn’t suggest that it’s not there.

Doesn’t make you weak to soften your positions. In fact, it makes you stronger.

Just for Fun, Agree with Criticism Directed Toward You (Then Watch It Go Away)

I’ve since learned that reacting to criticism never makes the criticism go away.

Next time someone offers you an opinion, rather than judge or criticize it, see if you can find a grain of truth in what the person is saying.

Instead of becoming immobilized when something is destroyed, you feel grateful for the time you have had.

“Wherever You Go, There You Are”

wherever you go, you take yourself with you!

The significance of this statement is that it can teach you to stop constantly wishing you were somewhere else.

If you’re constantly wishing things were different, these identical tendencies will follow you, wherever you go.

As you focus more on becoming more peaceful with where you are, rather than focusing on where you would rather be, you begin to find peace right now, in the present.

Breathe Before You Speak

The happiest person on earth isn’t always happy.

Happiest people all have their fair share of low moods, problems, disappointments, and heartache.

They accept their feelings, knowing that this too shall pass.

He doesn’t really care because he knows that, in due time, he will be happy again. To him, it’s no big deal.

Know that if you don’t fight your negative feelings, if you are graceful, they will pass away just as surely as the sun sets in the evening.

58. Relax

Most of us postpone relaxation until our “in basket” is empty. Of course it never is.

You can relax now. It’s helpful to remember that relaxed people can still be superachievers and, in fact, that relaxation and creativity go hand in hand.

You have a choice in how you respond to life.

We blow things out of proportion, and make a big deal out of little things.

We forget that life isn’t as bad as we’re making it out to be.

When I get too worked up or start taking myself too seriously (which happens more than I like to admit), I say to myself something like, “Here I go again. My soap opera is starting.”

The next time you feet stressed out,

Remind yourself that life isn’t an emergency

Read Articles and Books with Entirely Different Points of View from Your Own and Try to Learn Something

A closed mind is always fighting to keep everything else at arm’s length.

For just a few minutes a day-whatever your slant on life-try making a gentle effort to read articles and/or books with different points of view.

Do One Thing at a Time

When you do too many things at once, it’s impossible to be present-moment oriented.

An interesting exercise is to block out periods of time where you commit to doing only one thing at a time.

Be present in what you are doing. Concentrate.

First, you’ll actually enjoy what you are doing,

Second, you’ll be amazed at how quickly and efficiently you’ll get things done.

It all starts with your decision to do one thing at a time.

When you feel yourself getting angry, take a long, deep inhalation, and as you do, say the number one to yourself.

Repeat the same process with the number two, all the way through at least ten (if you’re really angry, continue to twenty-five).

The combination of counting and breathing is so relaxing that it’s almost impossible to remain angry once you are finished.

How nice it would be if we too could be calm and serene in the midst of chaos-in the eye of the storm.

You’ll notice that by being in the eye of the storm, you will be more present-moment oriented.

Be Flexible with Changes in Your Plans

inflexibility creates an enormous amount of inner stress and is often irritating and insensitive to other people.

“What’s more important, getting what I want and keeping my plans, or learning to go with the flow?”

I’ve also found it helpful to expect that a certain percentage of plans will change.

If I make allowances in my mind for this inevitability, then when it happens I can say, “Here is one of those inevitabilities.”

Think of What You Have Instead of What You Want

It doesn’t seem to make any difference how much we have; we just keep expanding our list of desires, which guarantees we will remain dissatisfied.

The mind-set that says “I’ll be happy when this desire is fulfilled” is the same mind-set that will repeat itself once that desire is met.

Happiness can’t be found when we are yearning for new desires.

Instead of complaining about your salary, be grateful that you have a job.

Each time you notice yourself falling into the “I wish life were different” trap, back off and start over. Take a breath and remember all that you have to be grateful for.

And, if by some chance you don’t, you’ll have a great life anyway.

learning to take your negative thoughts less seriously, is infinitely more effective in terms of learning to be more peaceful.

That’s all it is, a thought! It can’t hurt you without your consent.

You’ll find, in all cases, that if you ignore or dismiss a negative thought that fills your mind, a more peaceful feeling is only a moment away.

The people closest to us know us the best.

If we are too proud, or stubborn to learn, we lose out on some wonderful, simple ways to improve our lives.

Be Happy Where You Are

Many of us continually postpone our happiness indefinitely.

The truth is, there’s no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when?

Your life will always be filled with challenges. It’s best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway.

There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.

Whatever you practice most is what you will become.

Sadly, many people spend far more time washing their car or watching reruns of television shows they don’t even enjoy than they do making time for aspects of life that nurture their hearts.

Inner peace translates into outer peace.

As little as five to ten minutes a day, you can train your mind to be still and quiet.

I don’t know many people I would consider to be at peace with themselves who haven’t spent at least a little time experimenting with meditation.

Make Service an Integral Part of Your Life

I begin my day by asking myself the question, “How can I be of service?”

The best way to be of service is often very simple-it’s those little, quiet, often unnoticed acts of kindness that I can choose on a daily basis

As I have attempted to integrate service into my life, I have felt better and better about the way I choose to live.

“Giving is its own reward.”

Do a Favor and Don’t Ask For, or Expect, One in Return

you’ll notice (if you’re quiet enough inside yourself) a beautiful feeling of ease and peace.

Think of Your Problems as Potential Teachers

How much of a problem do we make our problems?

When we accept our problems as an inevitable part of life, when we look at them as potential teachers, it’s as if a weight has been lifted off our shoulders.

Rather than push away the problem and resist it, try to embrace it.

Could it be teaching you to be more careful or patient?

“I’m feeling frightened and that’s okay.”

When you no longer think of your negative feelings as a big deal, or as something to fear, you will no longer be as frightened by them.

Opening to the totality of your being is like saying to yourself, “I may not be perfect, but I’m okay just the way I am.”

Life is a process-just one thing after another.

“Woops, I lost it again. Oh well, next time I’ll handle it differently.”

When we are in the habit of blaming others, we will blame others for our anger, frustration, depression, stress, and unhappiness.

In terms of personal happiness, you cannot be peaceful while at the same time blaming others.

When you stop blaming others, you will regain your sense of personal power.

An hour or two that is reserved just for you-before your day begins-is an incredible way to improve your life.

By the time my wife and children wake up, I feet as though I’ve had a full day of enjoyment.

Remember, One Hundred Years from Now, All New People

what’s it going to mean one hundred years from now?

one hundred years from now, no one will remember this moment, no one will care.

The root of being uptight is our unwillingness to accept life as being different, in anyway, from our expectations.

The first step in recovering from overseriousness is to admit that you have a problem. You have to want to change, to become more easygoing.

To hold on is to be serious and uptight. To let go is to lighten up.

Don’t expect your day to be problem free. Instead, as problems come up, say to yourself, “Ah, another hurdle to overcome.”

Transform Your Relationship to Your Problems

when life is too easy, there are fewer opportunities for genuine growth.

Listen to Your Feelings (They Are Trying to Tell You Something)

Try to recognize that the reason you’re feeling sad, angry, stressed, or whatever is that you are taking life too seriously-you are “sweating the small stuff.”

Remember, life isn’t an emergency unless you make it so.

All we know is that, eventually, everything disappears into nothingness. Welcoming this truth into your life is the beginning of a liberating adventure.

Unhappiness is the result of struggling against the natural flow of experience.

Fill Your Life with Love

“the shortest distance between two points is an intention.”

Our attitude, choices, acts of kindness, and willingness to be the first to reach out will take us toward this goal.

Love is its own reward.

Realize the Power of Your Own Thoughts

The next time you’re feeling upset, notice your thinking-it will be negative. Remind yourself that it’s your thinking that is negative, not your life.

you can get to the point where you treat your negative thoughts in much the same way you would treat flies at a picnic: You shoo them away and get on with your day.

Give Up on the Idea that “More Is Better”

As long as you think more is better, you’ll never be satisfied.

the problem doesn’t lie in what you don’t have, but in the longing for more.

You can learn to be happy with what you have by becoming more present-moment oriented, by not focusing so much on what you want.

Keep Asking Yourself, “What’s Really Important?”

“What’s really important?” As part of my early morning routine, I take a few seconds to ask myself this question.

life isn’t always (or even rarely is) the way we would like it to be-it is simply the way it is.

When you surrender to the moment, accept what is going on, make it okay, more peaceful feelings will begin to emerge.

You search for ugliness you’ll find plenty of it.

If you look for the extraordinary in the ordinary, you can train yourself to see it.

If you wait until all your chores, responsibilities, and everything else is done before you get started, it will never happen.

You live each day as if it were your last on this earth.

Act Like a Prize and You’ll Turn Him into a Believer

Anything a person chases in life runs away.

He’ll instantly perceive you as a Duracell battery, as in, “Just how far will she go? How much can I get out of her?”

Overcompensating or being too eager to please will lessen a man’s respect;

A bitch is more selective about her availability. She’s available sometimes; other times she’s not.

If he’s unwilling to lift a finger during the courtship, he is showing you right up front that he has nothing to offer you in the future.

“Who I am is enough. Take it or leave it.”

He brings up the ex; she looks at her watch.

If you don’t hear from him for a little longer than usual, show him that you have absolutely no “attitude” about it.

She acted like a prize, and then a funny thing happened. He completely forgot who he was looking at.

The first date is about looks. When he falls in love, it’s about your attitude.

When you show your shape, but don’t expose every inch, the “unwrapping of the gift” becomes much more stimulating.

It’s what you don’t show that keeps him intrigued.

A bitch doesn’t rely on these things to feel good about herself. She relies on who she is as a woman.

He accepts a doormat. But he desires his dreamgirl.

It’s the one toy he will always remember because he had to earn it.

When you lose your edge, the relationship loses its fire.

She loves herself, the bitch doesn’t want anyone who doesn’t want her.

Not only isn’t the bitch needy of him, she often isn’t focused on him.

Ignore him and he is intrigued. Make him the center of attention all the time and he runs.

The bitch shows that she’s not afraid to be without him.

To give a man too much reassurance too soon is the same as overwatering a plant. It kills it.

She smiles and she is feminine. She just doesn’t make decisions based on the fear of losing a man.

Because she is not needy, he starts to need her. Because she isn’t dependent on him, he begins to depend on her.

The person who is least dependent on the outcome of the relationship will automatically draw the other person in.

She maintains her independence.

She doesn’t pursue him.

The moon and the sun and the stars don’t revolve around him.

She doesn’t chase him or keep tabs on him. He is not the center of the world.

She is mysterious.

Familiarity breeds contempt and predictability breeds boredom.

She leaves him wanting.

Men equate longing with love. Longing is good.

She doesn’t let him see her sweat.

Avoids communicating when upset.

When she clears her head, she is succinct and speaks in a “bottom line” way.

She remains in control of her time.

She maintains a sense of humor.

She places a high value on herself.

She doesn’t ask what the ex looked like and doesn’t compete with other women.

She is passionate about something other than him.

Staying busy ensures she isn’t resentful if he is unavailable.

She treats her body like a finely tuned machine.

It’s to give him the thrill of the chase by taking it slowly and letting him be a man.

Since he never quite has her, he never stops pursuing her.

The bitch isn’t so easily upset, so she isn’t so easy to read.

The bitch is in her own thoughts. She doesn’t panic, which makes him come her way.

The bitch waits a half-hour and then makes other plans.

The nice girl abandons all sense of balance and immediately makes the man the whole pie. But with a bitch, he is just a piece of it. She keeps the other pieces intact.

If she’s painting her toenails when he calls, she’ll still say, “Thank you so much, but I’m a little busy right now.”

The bitch is very nice. She is as sweet as a Georgia peach. But inside every sweet peach is a strong pit. And this means she won’t explain the obvious when a man is disrespectful.

He says he’d like to see you at 9:00 p.m., and you don’t want to be out too late? Tell him, “I’d prefer to get together earlier.” If he can’t because he is working late, make no issue of it. Simply suggest getting together another night.

Unconditional love is a beautiful thing. Just be sure to give it after your conditions have been met.

UNPREDICTABLE + NOT MONOTONOUS + HO = FIREWORKS

Constant mothering will eventually turn a man off.

Do not expect him (without asking first) to spend all his free time with you.

Do not ask him to account for the time that he isn’t with you.

Do not be overly doting, leaving him no room to come your way.

Asking a man to explain himself or check in with you is mothering.

The very second he thinks he has to explain himself to you, he’ll feel as though he is losing his freedom.

Don’t make him feel as though he has to ask permission for the day-to-day things he wants to do.

Don’t give him the feeling he’s under a microscope.

Don’t look in his car’s glove compartment as though there’s something suspicious in there. Don’t appear to eavesdrop on his phone conversations.

Don’t ask him to spend all his time with you, and don’t say, “I miss you” when he hasn’t seen you in two hours. If you do these things, you are subtly doing the chasing.

Don’t plan all of your weekends together so he has to ask permission to go fishing. Let him catch a couple of fish. Otherwise, he’ll start to break dates.

When you treat your time together as something he has to do, you’ve taken something that was a pleasure and made it a chore.

When it’s not an obligation to see you, the very same thing will feel like pleasure.

Whenever a woman requires too many things from a man, he’ll resent it. Let him give what he wants to give freely; then observe who he is.

If you always make him feel he has plenty of space to do his own thing, he’ll always feel that lust.

He’ll perceive you as a privilege rather than an obligation, and he’ll come your way.

As long as you appear interested in him, he’ll keep coming your way.

By not appearing to want commitment, you throw a monkey wrench in the lock-down program. He no longer knows what to expect.

If you don’t make him feel locked down, he’ll come your way.

When he’s in madly in love, you won’t need to say things like “Where are you going?” or “What are you doing?” He’ll tell you everything you ever wanted to know because he wants to, not because you had to ask.

If and when he does go out with the boys, he won’t be able to wait to get home to you.

A man wants a woman who has a mind of her own. An opinion.

When he gives you a “little crap,” you can give him a “little crap” right back. He respects a woman who can “trade blows” with him and hold her own.

Don’t give the impression you are spineless.

It becomes a burden if you lean on him too much.

You chose to be with him. You didn’t need to be.

As a person, you feel you are complete with him or without him.

She appeals to his imagination, sexually. Second, she waits a little while before consummating the relationship, sexually.

The woman who isn’t trying is sexier. And that’s the girl you’ll take seriously.”

She shows one physical attribute.

It ensures that the man develops a habit of putting forth effort so that you are treated the way you want to be treated.

Not having sex right away is about playing your cards right so that small things matter.

When you make him wait, he begins to notice that you are “different.”

We know we want to get it, but we know we want the girl to make us wait.

The bitch understands that the sex only becomes “golden” when he doesn’t get it right away.

The bitch believes that she has much more to offer than just her sexuality.

She is plenty sexy, which is precisely why she doesn’t throw it out there as if it’s all she has.

Hold hands or put your head on his shoulder so he feels manly. Rub his leg lightly while you are at the movies.

“Honey, I’m not one of the guys. Please don’t tell me about other women you’ve been with.”

Any time a woman competes with another woman, she demeans herself.

Exude the attitude that you are confident and that you aren’t concerned with whether you measure up or whether another woman can steal him away.

“If any woman can steal a guy away from me, then she can have him because I wouldn’t want him anymore.”

If you don’t trust him, stop seeing him.

But until he gives you a reason not to trust him, behave as though you trust him.

As if you are saying with your actions, “Well, of course, you want to be with me!”

Until he gives you a reason not to trust him, trust him.

A man needs to feel “manly.”

Let him be right. You be smart.

When you act too much like Tarzan, he feels too much like Jane.

There is a very big difference between catering to his ego and appearing needy.

Show that you need and appreciate his masculinity.

Don’t complain, “Well, you used to bring me flowers.” From this point forward, every bouquet he gives you is the “prettiest you have ever seen.” Don’t complain that he doesn’t take you out enough. Instead, every restaurant he takes you to is “unbelievable” or “amazing.”

A man’s favorite word? “Best.”

When he hands over that paycheck, thank him for working so hard for “the benefit of everyone in the family.”

When he behaves like a man and he treats you well, pay a little “homage” to that ego.

Men have big egos and they need to have them stroked. This is what the “dumb fox” does.

Ask him to open a jar that you can’t open (even if you can) or unzip your dress (even if you can reach it). Or, you can ask him to lift a small box for you.

Praise is important. When he takes you out to eat, say thank-you once at dinner, and again when you say good night.

The nice girl often makes the mistake of saying thank-you over and over.

If he asks you to split the check on the first few dates, don’t see him again. It has less to do with a few dollars than with the fact that he’s not very concerned with impressing you. And that’s never a good sign.

He’ll let a woman who becomes his doormat pay for dinner on the first couple of dates, but he wouldn’t think of it with his dreamgirl.

The important thing is that when he pays, let him know at the end of the dinner you really do appreciate it.

The dumb fox knows that the less she criticizes, the better.

She doesn’t nag. Instead, she maneuvers.

Agree with everything. Explain nothing. Then do what is best for you. It will make life a whole lot easier.

A smart eagle does not show her claws.

Remember, it’s always his idea. Even if it isn’t, convince him that it is.

He needs to show that he’s the chief.

Don’t correct him or try to “show him up” in front of your mutual friends because he’ll feel emasculated.

Show, you don’t need to tip your hand or flaunt it. If he is treating you like you are his dreamgirl, you have all the power you need.

Men control the world, but women control the men.

Most men know it’s a turn-on to a woman if they do romantic things, but women don’t understand that giving men the feeling of power has the same effect.

If you give him a feeling of power, he’ll want to protect you and he’ll want to give you the world.

“Beware of the man who praises women’s liberation. He’s about to quit his job.”

Women who are successful in other areas of life are often the ones who find themselves saying, “I should not have to apologize for being strong.” Then the following week they wonder why they “can’t find a good man.”

Don’t allow anyone to walk all over you.

When a woman acts as though she’s capable of everything, she gets stuck doing everything.

It makes him happy to feel he’s meeting your needs. And it makes him feel as if he’s “driving that train.” Even though you really are.

The hardest lesson for the nice girl to learn is how to receive. Let him give to you, because part of his manhood is defined by feeling “responsible.”

She’s prepared to walk away, if the terms aren’t favorable to her.

If the offer sounds good, she says, “I’d love to.” If the offer doesn’t sound good, she answers, “I’d love to, but I’m pooped.”

The dumb fox doesn’t spell things out. The nice girl, on the other hand, makes the mistake of wearing her heart on her sleeve almost all the time.

I’d rather get into a ring with Mike Tyson for six rounds than hear a woman repeat herself over and over.”

Don’t let conversations on the phone last too long. Don’t let yourself be perceived as a tiresome obligation.

Keep the phone calls short and sweet—and he’ll never get tired of calling.

When you are secure with yourself, he doesn’t feel he has a 100 percent hold on you.

When he doesn’t have a 100 percent hold on you, he eats out of your hand.

Eliminate the following words from your vocabulary:We need to talk.

A bitch tells it like it is in a matter-of-fact way and gets her point across succinctly. The nice girl wears her heart on her sleeve and pours out her guts.

Familiarity breeds contempt

The dumb fox does not ask, “May we change the subject?” Permission isn’t necessary.

The dumb fox also doesn’t tell him about her past relationships. You’re “a prize,” and you don’t have a long list of calamities to report.

If he’s classy, he won’t be impressed that your last boyfriend is “still stalking you and can’t let go.”

The dumb fox relies on a “vague generality” when he asks for information that’s none of his business.

Don’t volunteer bad information about yourself.

You are relaxed, secure, and happy with him or without him.

When you are always HAPPY; And he is always free to GO; He feels LUCKY.

The nice girl believes everything she’s told because it sounds good, which puts her out there to get hurt.

The dumb fox doesn’t reveal what she observes is that he’ll show his true colors much more quickly when he doesn’t realize he is being watched.

The fox keeps the conversation light. Why? The truest things are said in jest.

When the dumb fox senses something’s “just not right” with a man’s character, she does not bring it to his attention.

“You’ve got to know when to keep your mouth shut.”

The dumb fox takes better care of herself and makes better choices because she lets time elapse and she watches to see how the man behaves.

The bitch does not stop moving to her own rhythm.

If you allow your rhythm to be interrupted, you’ll create a void. Then, to replace what you give up, you’ll start to expect and need more from your partner.

Most women are starving to receive something from a man that they need to give to themselves.

He wants to be around her more, not less, and he respects her because she appears to have “a life.”

A woman looks more secure in a man’s eyes when he can’t pull her away from her life, because she is content with her life.

When you love life with him or without him, that is when he will accept and value you for who you are.

A man loses respect for a woman who needs his approval, particularly when she will overcompensate to get it.

Even if he’s an incredible guy and you feel great temptation, don’t give him all of your time.

Force yourself to keep the routine you had before you met him.

When a man treats a woman with disrespect and she takes it, he begins to lose respect for her.

The minute a man feels you’re trying too hard, the challenge is over.

Once you accidentally step into that arena, you have to win him back by showing him that you won’t wait. You have a life. You have other priorities, some of which come before him.

Don’t pout or whimper when he doesn’t call. You have to make him wonder every now and then about what you’re doing when you’re not with him.

When you regulate the timing, it keeps him wanting and it charges up his batteries.

Don’t accompany him when he goes out with his friends. You don’t want to be one of the “boys.”

If he calls you and asks you to come over late at night after he’s been out with his friends, don’t happily go skipping over,

Never call more than once in a row, even if his machine cuts you short. Don’t leave long mushy messages. Keep the messages friendly, but short and sweet.

Keep your routine. If he wants to spend more time with you than you can comfortably give, invite him to join you in one of your activities—like

Avoid last-minute dates because you “miss him.”

Move to your own rhythm, and then call back. He has to know you have a life … every day.

Don’t ask for affection. Don’t coax affection out of him. Don’t give affection when he isn’t being affectionate. If he’s ignoring you, don’t try harder.

Does he add to your life as a whole, and do you feel good after he’s been around?

If he’s in a bad mood, make an excuse and then go do your own thing.

Above all, make every concerted effort to stay focused on your life. That’s how you stay sassy in his eyes.

The bitch is not governed by fear of losing a man, because she knows the real price to pay is when she loses herself.

He senses her willingness to exert herself, and relaxes what he gives even more.

Lose the fantasy. And if you feel you are going to resent something after you give it, don’t give it.

“Love thyself first, and your neighbor will be happier living next to you.”

The nice girl gives away too much of herself when pleasing him regularly becomes more important than pleasing herself.

“I’m sorry. I’m going to be busy.” And he said, “What do you mean busy? Busy what? Sleeping?” She smiled and politely said, “Yes.”

She becomes depleted because she is willing to wait “at bay,” never making plans until she rules out the possibility “beyond a reasonable doubt” that she is seeing a man.

If you don’t hear from him in enough time to suggest he respects your time, there is a simple solution: Don’t give him any.

The relationship may not be right for you if you find yourself jumping through hoops. When something is right, it will feel easier and much more effortless.

Just remember, it isn’t about a man. This is your life … and it’s too precious to waste.

Like the bum on the street with a sign that says Will work for food, your sign now reads Will work for attention.

When you nag at a man, he becomes more reclusive.

He won’t hear a word you say. This is why you should communicate with your actions…rather than your words.

Anything past the second repetition seems like nagging.

Never ask a man to do something more than twice or he’ll feel as though he’s being scolded by Mom.

When you nag, he tunes you out. But when you speak with your actions, he pays attention.

When a man takes a woman for granted, he still looks for reassurance that she is still “right there.”

She has to stay just outside his reach.

No matter how much you scream at him, he knows you aren’t going anywhere.

“She may kick my ass, but she’ll still love me and I can do whatever I want.” And it’s this very security blanket you don’t want him to have.

“Men will get away with what you let them get away with.”

A high-caliber self-respecting guy will be attracted to a woman who won’t let someone walk all over her.

If he takes you for granted and you pull back a little with no explanation, it catches him off-guard and gets his attention bigtime.

Words are not needed to teach a man how to treat you. A little bit of silence or distance will often do the trick.

To stay his lover, you have to keep him on his toes.

What he gets from the nice girl is a protective kind of motherly love that lessens his sexual desire. He doesn’t pursue his mom.

The bitch wins him over by acting as though she could take him or leave him.

He wasn’t the “be all and end all” of your existence.

Nagging rewards him. Not because he enjoys it, but because it reassures him you care.

Nagging = A woman who is predictable = A feeling of obligation = Decreased lust

Indifference = Less predictable response = Renewed interest

When you treat him casually as though he’s a friend, he’ll come your way. Because he wants things to be romantic, but he also wants to be the pursuer.

A little distance combined with the appearance of self-control makes him nervous that he may be losing you.

He second-guesses himself: “Hmm… why is this okay with her when I know it’s wrong?”

When he doesn’t get the nagging but he knows he deserves it, he begins to wonder what’s going on.

See him half as much as he wants to see you.

The second you take away the security of a predictable routine, his orientation changes. Instead of worrying about buying time or making excuses about work, he has to think of something fun to do so you’ll want to be with him.

When your man behaves as though he is more worthy than you, re-create the balance and equality in the relationship by gently taking the “little birdie” and putting him on the ground.

When you nag, you become the problem, and he deals with it by tuning you out. But when you don’t nag, he deals with the problem.

When you’ve asked him to do something a few times and he doesn’t do it, say, “Honey, it’s okay. I don’t need you to do it anymore. Ed, our next-door neighbor, said he’d come over and do it.”

If you take his chores away from him and praise someone else for doing it, he’ll want his chores back.

If you stroke his ego, however, he feels good. He needs to be praised. When he goes out to straighten the mailbox and he comes back inside, say, “Thank you so much, sweetie!”

When you nag, he sees weakness.

When you make him feel like the man? The stud-muffin? The legend? You can ask him to do anything and he’ll jump to do it.

Nagging makes it a right; asking for a favor makes it a positive experience.

Just as a woman wants to be perceived as a “dream girl” to a man, a man wants to be perceived as a “hero” in his woman’s eyes.

“Feelings? What feelings?” Show-rather than tell-him that you aren’t spilling your guts anymore.

Expressing your feelings constantly is like pleading. It comes across as needy rather than dignified. But backing away when he crosses the line? Plenty dignified.

(See? Why argue your case when you can get him to argue it for you?)

If he asks, “Is something wrong?” take a breath and respond calmly. “Yes, something is wrong, but I’d like to talk about it later. I really don’t want to talk about it now.”

It’s with your behavior, not with your words, that you let him know where you stand.

It’s that a lot of times he can’t. So when a woman gives you room to live your life without getting upset, you’ll feel she’s adding much more to your life.”

You want to be with a person who can think before she speaks.”

No guy wants to feel like he’s paying for some other guy’s mistakes.”

“It really makes us happy when a woman lets us go out with the guys and has no attitude about it.

“I think a woman who talks less is more attractive because it makes her more mysterious. It is not a good thing to just ramble on. Communication should be about quality not quantity.

I want a woman who has a sense of purpose in her own life, so she doesn’t waste all her energy trying to control mine.”

No matter how much a woman wants intimacy, she can’t force it out of a man—much

Keeping it short and to the point is essential, otherwise he won’t hear a single word.

When he isn’t meeting your needs, just pull back slightly and don’t explain a thing.

Women chase men by trying to force-feed conversations about feelings. And predictably, they run. In order for the child to run to Mommy, Mommy has to first stop chasing the child.

Do not take it personally if he doesn’t call for a day or two.

Other times men pull back deliberately to see what your reaction will be, because they are curious to see how much you care.

I know some guys that check out a woman who isn’t even that beautiful, just to make his girlfriend a little insecure.”

In the beginning, the only thing you need to pay attention to is whether he keeps coming around, because he’ll only be able to suspend or hide his emotions for so long.

If a woman puts her foot down and walks away? It can crush a guy…”

“Women are in control, because they control the sex. In fact, women have a lot more control than they know. A lot of guys feel like this puts us at a disadvantage.”

“A guy needs to always feel that he’s desirable to his wife or girlfriend. We need that feedback.”

“Men like a woman to be creative so it doesn’t get stale. If she’s too predictable because you talk about the relationship all the time instead of going out and having one, he’ll get bored quickly.”

When I go fishing, I find that I really miss my wife. And that’s a good thing, isn’t it?”

“A woman should always keep the bathroom door closed when she’s on the toilet.

“When a woman is jealous, it can be a turnoff.

“I don’t like a woman who doesn’t have a life, or a job.

If a guy is under a lot of pressure and she adds to it, he’ll immediately shut down.”

“When he walks in the door after a long day, let him do his own thing for a half-hour.

“A woman shouldn’t let a guy know she is centering her world around him.

“The fear every guy has is that after marriage the girl is going to cut her hair off, gain a bunch of weight, and stop putting out.”

If you’re at a bar and you make an idiot of yourself, it’s a total turnoff.

“Never let a guy know you’re sitting home waiting for his call, or that he’s your whole life.

He also likes knowing other men want you, just as long as you aren’t sleeping with any of them.”

“It’s like punching a clock when you’re with a woman who makes you feel like you have to report back to her. That’s an instant turnoff.”

They are secretly turned on by a bitch, or a woman who will stand up for herself.

“A man respects a woman who won’t tolerate being treated badly.”

I like a woman who mentally challenges me in a fun way by bantering with me, or with her sense of humor. It can be competitive in a playful kind of way.”

Instead of working so hard to please him, work harder to please yourself…because ultimately, this is what will truly please him.

This is why a woman should maintain her independence, her “pink slip,” and full ownership of herself.

He doesn’t have to feel it’s always equal, just reciprocal.

Appearance may pull him in, but it is your independence that will keep him turned on.

“Power is the great aphrodisiac.”

When you act as if you expect something, you make a man feel unappreciated.

Acknowledgment is very important to men.

If a man gives you something, show him the respect he deserves by thanking him for the kindness.

If you want to be treated well, you have to encourage it by making him feel important and special whenever he does something generous and gracious. Otherwise, he won’t have an incentive to do it again.

Many men enjoy feeling like the provider, as long as they feel appreciated for what they give.

She lets a man give—and she allows herself to receive.

Men love to feel that they are “in charge” and that their opinion really counts.

it’s all in showing that you respect what he gives.

Men, like women, don’t want to feel taken for granted.

If he gives you something, act excited—even if it’s ugly.

women who are too nice err on the side of giving too much. They give to a fault.

A bitch is not mean; she just doesn’t volunteer for any “joyrides.”

The bitchier woman would never let a man think that she’s there because she has “nowhere else to go.”

Instead of Asking Him to Focus on You, Focus on Yourself

What turns a man on about an independent woman is that she is independent of him.

The first thing a woman has to do to get that sexy “spark” back is to shift her focus and energy back onto herself.

The more independent you are of him, the more interested he will be.

When you are relaxed, you’ve taken the “need” out of the equation.

No matter what you choose, as long as you are passionate about something other than him, it will draw him back in. Guaranteed.

“How could she want to do that, when she could be with me?”

When you will not drop everything to be with him, you’ll appear as though you have more going for you.

This will remind him of your worth, and invariably, he will begin to come your way.

Technique #1 The Flooding Smile

Technique #2 Sticky Eyes

Technique #3 Epoxy Eyes

Technique #4 Hang by Your Teeth

Technique #5 The Big-Baby Pivot

Nobody gets to the top alone.

The way you move is your autobiography in motion.

The way you look and the way you move is more than 80 percent of someone’s first impression of you. Not one word need be spoken.

Just give em great posture, a heads-up look, a confident smile, and a direct gaze.

Its the ideal image for somebody whos a Somebody.

The study showed women who were slower to smile in corporate life were perceived as more credible.

A big, warm smile is an asset. But only when it comes a little slower, because then it has more credibility.

Look at the other persons face for a second. Pause. Soak in their persona. Then let a big, warm, responsive smile flood over your face and overflow into your eyes.

Strong eye contact packs a powerful wallop between men and women.

Her eyes stayed hungrily on my face. I sensed she couldn’t wait to savor the next insight to spout from my lips. I loved it!

Maintaining strong eye contact gives you the impression of being an intelligent and abstract thinker.

The more eye contact, the more positive feelings.

Increased eye contact encouraged feelings of intimacy.

when you consciously increase your eye contact, even during normal business or social interaction, people will feel they have captivated you.

Don’t break eye contact even after he or she has finished speaking.

When you must look away, do it ever so slowly, reluctantly, stretching the gooey taffy until the tiny string finally breaks.

Profound eye contact signals trust, knowledge, an Im here for you attitude.

Intense eye contact plays havoc with our heartbeat.

Watch your target person even when someone else is talking.

Intense eye contact can be a turn-on.

Visualize anything sixty times a day and it becomes a habit! Habitual good posture is the first mark of a big winner.

Two people getting to know each other are like little puppies sniffing each other out.

Everybody you meet makes a subconscious judgment on whether they want you in their lives. They base their verdict greatly on the same signals, your body-language answer to their unspoken quetion, Well, how do you like me so far?

Treat People Like Big Babies

Give the warm smile, the total-body turn, and the undivided attention you would give a tiny tyke who crawled up to your feet, turned a precious face up to yours, and beamed a big toothless grin.

Pivoting 100 percent toward the new person shouts I think you are very, very special.

Remember, buried deep inside everyone is a big baby who is rattling the crib, wailing out for recognition of how very special he or she is.

The secret to making people like you is showing how much you like them!

Technique #6 Hello Old Friend

When you act as though you like someone, you start to really like them.

Use the Hello Old Friend technique and you will soon have many new old friends who wind up genuinely liking you.

Whenever your conversation really counts, let your nose itch, your ear tingle, or your foot prickle. Do not fidget, twitch, wiggle, squirm, or scratch.

Hanss Horse Sense is just thatwatching people, seeing how theyre reacting, and then making your moves accordingly.

Technique #8 Hanss Horse Sense

Experts agree if you see the pi tures, hear the sounds, and feel the movements of your body in your mind before you do the activity, the effect is powerful.

Visualization works best when you feel totally relaxed. Only when you have a calm state of mind can you get clear, vivid images.

Do your visualization in the quiet of your home or car before leaving for the party, the convention, or the big-deal meeing. See it all in your minds eye ahead of time.

Technique #9 Watch the Scene Before You Make the Scene

Just as the first glimpse should please their eyes, your first words should delight their ears.

To make your conversation partner feel welcome, you must master small talk.

Take consolation from the fact that the brighter the individual, the more he or she detests small talk.

Small talk is about putting people at ease.

Match their mood if you want them to stop crying, start buying, or otherwise come round to your way of thinking.

Technique #10 Make a Mood Match

Its not all what you say, its how you say it.

How do you put people at ease? By convincing them they are OK and that the two of you are similar. When you do that, you break down walls of fear, suspicion, and mistrust.

People tune in to your tone more than your text.

Anything you say is fine as long as it is not complaining, rude, or

Technique #11 Prosaic with Passion

Worried about your first words? Fear not, because 80 percent of your listeners impression has nothing to do with your words anyway.

Almost anything you say at first is fine.

If the first words out of your mouth are a complaint BLAM – people label you a complainer.

The trick is to ask your prosaic question with passion to get the other person talking.

A Whatzit is any object that draws peoples attention and inspires them to approach you and ask, Uh, whats that?

Your Whatzit is a social aid whether you seek business rewards or new romance. My friend Alexander carries Greek worry beads with him wherever he goes.

He knows any woman who wants to talk to him will come up and say, Whats that?

Well, Mister, youre attractive. But, golly, what can I say to you? You just aint got no Whatzit. Be a Whatzit Seeker, Too

Why not express interest in the handkechief in the tycoons vest pocket, the brooch on the bosom of the rich divorcŽe, or the school ring on the finger of the CEO whose company you want to work for?

Like a persistent politician, go to the party giver and say, That man/woman over there looks interesing. Who is he/she? Then ask for an introduction.

Technique #13 Whoozat

Simply ask the party giver to make the introduction, or pump for a few facts that you can immediately turn into icebreakers.

Technique #14 Eavesdrop In

Just sidle up behind the swarm of folks you want to infitrate and open your ears. Wait for any flimsy excuse and jump in with Excuse me, I couldnt help but overhear. . . .

Never the Naked City

Whenever someone asks you the inevitable, And where are you from?

never, ever, unfairly challenge their powers of imagination with a one-word answer.

No man would listen to you talk if he didnt know it was his turn next.

Technique #16 Never the Naked Job

Flesh it out. Throw out some delicious facts about your job for new acquaintances to munch on.

Whenever people ask you what you do, give them some mouth-to-ear resuscitation so they can catch their breath and say something.

Big winners may not talk a lot, but conversation never dies unwillingly in their midst.

When introducing people, bait the conversational hook to get them in the swim of things.

Otis wants to talk about now? When talking with anyone, keep your ears open and, like a good detective, listen for clues.

You can simply Be a Word Detective. When you pick up on the reference as though it excites you, too, it parlays you into conversation the stranger thrills to.

Technique #18 Be a Word Detective

listen to your conversation partners every word for clues to his or her preferred topic.

when I meet someone, I learn so much more if I ask about their life.

I always try to turn the spotlight on the other person.

Truly cofident people often do this. They know they grow more by listeing than talking.

Salespeople, this technique is especially crucial for you. Keep your Swiveling Spotlight aimed away from you, only lightly on your product, and most brightly on your buyer.

Technique #19 The Swiveling Spotlight

When you meet someone, imagine a giant revolving spotlight between you.

The longer you keep it shining away from you, the more interesting he or she finds you.

Back to that frightfully familiar moment when it is your turn to speak but your mind goes blank. Dont panic. Instead of signaing verbally or nonverbally that you got it, simply repeator parrotthe last two or three words your companion said, in a sympathetic, questioning tone.

That throws the conversational ball right back in your partners court.

Technique #20 Parroting

Never be left speechless again. Like a parrot, simply repeat the last few words your conversation partner says.

Encore! is the technique you can use to request a repeat story from a prospect, potential employer, or valued acquaintance.

Technique #21 Encore!

Encore! Lets hear it again!

Tell them about the time you . . .

When first meeting someone, lock your closet door and save your skeletons for later.

The best way to ensure youre conversationally in the swing of things is to listen to a newscast just before you leave.

Technique #23 The Latest News . . . Dont Leave Home Without It

The last move to make before leaving for the party even after you’ve given yourself final approval in the mirrors to turn on the radio news or scan your newspaper.

Big boys and big girls should avoid asking, What do you do? for another reason: their abstinence from the question leads liteners to believe that they are in the habit of soaring with a higflying crowd.

How do you spend most of your time? is the gracious way to let a cadaver cutter, a tax collector, or a capsized employee off the hook.

asking How do you spend most of your time? instead of And what do you do? gives you your big cat stripes right off.

Instead of having one answer to the omnipresent What do you do? prepare a dozen or so variations, depending on whos asking.

Before you submit your answer, consider what possible interest the asker could have in you and your work.

instead of saying Hello, my name is Brian Tracy. Im a sales trainer, he says, Hello, my name is Brian Tracy from the Institute for Executive Development. Would you be interested in a proven method that can increase your sales from 20 to 30 pecent over the next twelve months? That is his benefit statement.

Before responding to What do you do? ask yourself, What possible interest could this person have in my answer?

Vocabulary is all a matter of familiarity.

Technique #26 Your Personal Thesaurus

Substitute a word a day for two months and you’ll be in the verbally elite.

Whenever people mention an activity or interest you share, let them enjoy discussing their passion. Then, when the time is right, casually mention you share their interest.

Technique #27 Kill the Quick Me, Too!

Whenever you have something in common with someone, the longer you wait to reveal it, the more moved (and impressed) he or she will be.

Dont wait too long to reveal your shared interest or it will seem like youre being tricky.

Theres a really good new Indian restaurant in town. Will you join me there for dinner tonight?

Jill, you will really love this new Indian restaurant. Will you join me there this evening for dinner?

shes more apt to give you a quick yes.

Can I take Friday off, Boss? Or this one: Boss, can you do without me Friday?

Which woman gives you warmer feelings? The woman who says, I like your suit. Or the one who says, You look great in that suit.

Sure enough, whenever I asked, Could you tell me where . . . people were more pleasant and helful than when I started the question with I or where.

Technique #28 Comm-YOU-nication

Start every appropriate sentence with you. It immedately grabs your listeners attention.

Continuing up the sanity scale, the fewer times you use I, the more sane you seem to your listeners.

Just as you would alternate saying Hello, How do you do, and I am pleased to meet you when being introduced to a group

of people, vary your smile. Dont use the same on each.

Technique #29 The Exclusive Smile

If you flash everybody the same smile, like a Confeerate dollar, it loses value.

Like all profesional speakers, Barry spends several hours a week gleaning through books of quotations and humor. All professional speakers do.

Technique #31 Use Jawsmiths Jive

Make em rhyme, make em clever, or make em funny. Above all, make em relevant.

Big cats arent afraid of real words. They call a spade a spade. Words like toilet paper dont scare them. Little cats hide behind bathroom tissue.

Technique #36 Big Shots Dont Slobber

Dont hide behind euphemisms. Call a spade a spade.

Technique #33 Trash the Teasing

An innocent joke at someone else’s expense may get you a cheap laugh. Nevertheless,

Never, ever, make a joke at anyone elses expense. Youll wind up paying for it, dearly.

Its not the news that makes someone angry. Its the unsypathetic attitude with which its delivered.

Everyone must give bad 131 news from time to time, and winning professionals do it with the proper attitude.

Before throwing out any news, keep your receiver in mind. Then deliver it with a smile, a sigh, or a sob. Not according to how you feel about the news, but how the receiver will take it.

Big winners know how to give bad news to people.

The Broken Record technique, the most effective way to curtail an unwelcome cross-examination.

Technique #35 The Broken Record

Whenever someone persists in questioning you on an unwelcome subject, simply repeat your original response.

Big shots dont slobber over stars.

People who are VIPs in their own right dont slobber over celebrities.

When you are chatting with one, dont compliment her work, simply say how much pleasure or insight its given you.

Technique #37 Never the Naked Thank You

Never let the phrase thank you stand alone. From A to Z, always follow it with for: from Thank you for asking to Thank you for zipping me up.

All you have to do is throw out the right questions to get people to open up.

In conversation, it takes cursory knowledge or better about their field to get them to really open up.

You must have knowledgeable curiosity, the kind that makes you sound like youre worth talking

Most people are like NYC strap-hangers when it comes to their hobbies and interests. They know their own pastimes, but all the others are like unvisited stations.

Scramble Therapy is, quite simply, scrambling up your life and participating in an activity youd never think of indulging in.

Just one out of every four weekends, do something totally out of your pattern.

Go fly a kite! Why? Because it will give you conversational fodder for the rest of your life.

youll sound like an insider

Just by doing their activity once.

Technique #38 Scramble Therapy

Once a month, scramble your life. Do something you’d never dream of doing.

You get 80 percent of the right lingo and insider questions from just one exposure.

Technique #39 Learn a Little Jobbledygook

Big winners speak Jobbledygook as a second language. What is Jobbledygook? Its the language of other professions. Why speak it? It makes you sound like an insider.

Simply ask a friend who speaks the lingo of the crowd youll be with to teach you a few opening questions.

Technique #40 Baring Their Hot Button

find out what the hot issues are in their fields.

Ask your informant to bare the industry buzz. Then, to heat the conversation up, push those buttons.

Turn to any other section, preferably one you hardly ever read. Why? Because it will familiarize you with other worlds so that you can soon discuss anything with anybody, no matter how little you have in common.

All it takes is reading diffeent sections of the newspaper.

Any one issue will give you a sample of their lingo and inform you of the hottest issues in that field.

Youll find thousands of special-interest magazines published every month.

Technique #41 Read Their Rags

You can dish up more information than youll ever need to sound like an insider with anyone just by reading the rags that serve their racket.

Before putting one toe on foreign soil, get a book on dos and taboos around the world.

There are some excellent books on international customs.

if you know the ropes, you will not get ripped off. You dont need to know a lot, just a few insider terms.

Instead of going right to your favorite jewelry shop and asking dumbbell dimond questions, go to the competition. Make friends with the salesclerk and pick up a few gems of diamondese.

when youve got your lingo down, go to where you want to buy.

Technique #43 Bluffing for Bargains

Your price is much lower when you know how to deal.

Before every big purchase, find several vendorsa few to learn from and one to buy from.

we have a predisposition toward people we believe are just like us.

We are most comfortable giving our business and friendship to those we feel share our values and beliefs in life.

People feel comfortable around people who move just like they do.

Technique #44 Be a Copyclass

Watch his or her body, then imitate the style of movement. That makes your conversation partner subliminally real comfy with you.

When you want to give someone the subliminal feeling youre just alike, use their words, not yours.

if you use the wrong word, your conversation partner will assume, correctly, that you are a stranger in his or her hobbyland.

Technique #45 Echoing

Listen to the speakers arbitrary choice of nouns, verbs, prepositions, adjectives and echo them back.

Hearing their words come out of your mouth creates subliminal rapport.

Echo their words. It makes you a more sensitive comunicatorand keeps you out of trouble every time.

Technique #46 Potent Imaging

Evoke your listeners interests or lifestyle and weave images around it.

use analogies from your listeners world, not your own.

Technique #47 Employ Empathizers

Dont be an unconscious ummer. Vocalize complete sentences to show your understanding.

Technique #48 Anatomically Correct Empathizers

What part of their anatomy are your associates talking through?

When you prematurely say we or us, even to strangers, it subconsciously brings them closer. It subliminally hints you are already friends.

Technique #49 The Premature

We Create the sensation of intimacy with someone even if youve met just moments before.

Technique #50 Instant History

When you meet a stranger youd like to make less a stranger, search for some special moment you shared during your first encounter.

look for special moments together. Then make them a refrain.

Instead of telling someone directly of your admiration, tell somone who is close to the person you wish to compliment.

Dont directly compliment Jane. Go to her close associate Diane Doe and say, You know, Jane is a very dynamic woman.

I place ten-to-one odds your comment will get back to Jane via the grapevine in twenty-four hours.

A compliment one hears is never as exciting as the one he overhears. A priceless way to praise is not by telephone, not by telegraph, but by tell-a-friend.

You also leave recipients with the happy fantasy that you are telling the whole world about their greatness.

Keep your ears open for good things people say about each other. If your colleague Carl says something nice about another colleague, Sam, pass it on.

Everyone loves the bearer of glad tidings. When you bring someone third-party kudos, they apprciate you as much as the complimenter.

Become a carier pigeon of news items that might interest the recipient.

Become a carrier of good news and kudos.

If your friend Ned is a furniture designer in North Carolina and you see a big article in the Los Angeles Times about furniture trends, fax it to him. If your client Sally is a sculptor in Seattle and you see her work in someones home in New York, send her a note.

A relevant clipping is the big winners way of saying, Im thinking of you and your interests.

Technique #53 Implied Magnificence

Throw a few comments into your conversation that presuppose something positive about the person youre talking with.

sliping praise into the secondary part of your point, putting it in vebal parentheses.

Tell your sixty-five-year-old uncle, Anyone as fit as you

Because youre so knowledgeable in contract law,

Technique #54 Accidental Adulation

What is the Killer Compliment? It is commenting on some very personal and specific quality you spot in someone.

Technique #55 Killer Compliment

Compliment to the recipient in private.

You also make the blushing recipient uncomfortable.

Technique #56 Little Strokes

Let them know how much you appreciate them by caressing them with verbal Little Strokes like Nice job! Well done! Cool!

Technique #57 The Knee-Jerk Wow!

Quick as a blink, you must praise people the moment they a finish a feat.

In a wink, like a knee-jerk reaction say, You were terrific!

Whenever someone shines a little sunshine on your life in the form of a compliment or concerned question, reflect it back on the shiner.

Technique #58 Boomeranging

Let compliments boomerang right back to the giver.

Quickly murmur something that expresses. That’s very kind of you.

Technique #59 The Tombstone Game

Ask the important people in your life what they would like engraved on their tombstone. Chisel it into your memory but dont mention it again. Then, when the moment is right to say I appreciate you or I love you, fill the blanks with the very words they gave you weeks earlier.

Think of yourself as the star of a personal radio drama every time you pick up the phone.

When you say someones name on the phone, its like yaning the person into the room with you.

Technique #61 Name Shower

People perk up when they hear their own name. Use it more often on the phone than you would in person to keep their attention.

Big winners dont smile before answering. They put a smile in their voices after they hear who is on the line.

You’ll find you get a lot more from anyone when you smile, after you find out who it is or why their caling.

Technique #62 Oh Wow, Its You!

Technique #63 The Sneaky Screen

If you must screen your calls, instruct your staff to first say cheerfully,

When the secretary comes back with the bad news that Mr. or Ms. Bigwig is unavailable, callers dont take it personally and never feel screened.

Technique #64 Salute the Spouse

always identify and greet the person who answers. Whenever you call someones office more than once or twice, make friends with the secretary. Anybody who is close enough to answer the phone is close enough to sway the VIPs opinion of you.

Is this a good time to talk?

Technique #65 What Color Is Your Time?

No matter how urgent you think your call, always begin by asking the person about timing.

leave a short, professional, and friendly greeting as your outgoing message.

Technique #67 Your Ten-Second Audition

If an answering machine picks up, pretend the beep is a big Broadway producer saying Nexxxt.

This is Your Ten-Second Audition to prove you are worthy of a quick callback.

Technique #68 The Ho-Hum Caper

Forget Uh, may I speak to Ms. Bigshot please? Just announce, Hi, Bob Smith here, is she in? Tossing the familiar she off your tongue signals to the secretary that you and her boss are old buddies.

When you hear a phone in the background, stop speakingin midsentence,

Ask whether she has to attend to it. Whether she does or not, shell know youre a top communicator for asking.

Technique #70 Instant Replay

Record all your business conversations and listen to them again. The second or third time, you pick up on significant subtleties you missed the first time.

Technique #71 Munching or Mingling

Come to munch or come to mingle. But do not expect to do both. Like a good politician, chow down before you come.

Technique #72 Rubberneck the Room

Technique #73 Be the Chooser, Not the Choosee

Do not stand around waiting for the moment when that special person approaches you. You make it happen by exploring every face in the room.

Technique #74 Come-Hither Hands

When standing at a gathering, arrange your body in an open positionespecially your arms and hands.

People instinctively gravitate toward open palms and wrists seductively arranged in the come hither position.

They keep track of where the people were, what they said, and what they were doing since the last conversation.

When you invoke the last major or minor event in anyones life, it confirms what theyve known all along. Theyre the most important person in the world.

Technique #75 Tracking

track the tiniest details of your conversation partners lives. Refer to them in your conversation like a major news story. It creates a poweful sense of intimacy.

Technique #76 The Business Card Dossier

Right after youve talked to someone at a party, take out your pen. On the back of his or her business card write notes to remind you of the conversation:

Technique #77 Eyeball Selling

Set the hidden cameras behind your eyeballs to pick up on all your customers and friends signals. Then plan your pitch and your pace accordingly.

Big boys and big girls see no blooers, hear no bloopers.

They ignore their colleagues boners. They siply dont notice their comrades minor spills, slips, fumbles, and blunders.

Nobody likes to be reminded of their own human frailty.

Technique #78 See No Bloopers, Hear No Bloopers

They simply dont notice their comrades minor spills, slips, fumbles, and faux pas. They

Big winners never gape at anothers gaffes.

Technique #79 Lend a Helping

Whenever someones story is aborted, let the interrution play itself out.

When the group reassembles, simply say to the person who suffered story-interruptus, Now please get back to your story.

The world goes round on favors.

Not telling me how important it was to him, risked not getting help.

When asking someone for a favor, let them know how much it means to you.

You come across as a straight shooter, and the joy of helping you out is often reward enough. Dont deny them that pleasure!

Technique #80 Bare the Buried WIIFM (and WIIFY)

Reveal whats in it for you and whats in it for the other personeven if its zip. If any hidden agenda comes up later, you get labeled a sly fox.

Dont jump immediately when someone is doing you a favor.

Allow the peson granting the favor time to savor the pleasure of agreeing to it, before having to pay up.

Technique #81 Let Em Savor the Favor

Whenever a friend agrees to a favor, allow your generous buddy time to relish the joy of his or her beneficence before you make them pay the piper.

How long? At least twenty-four hours.

Technique #82 Tit for (Wait . . . Wait) Tat

When you do someone a favor and its obvious that he owes you one, wait a suitable amount of time before asking him to pay.

Dont call in your tit for their tat too swiftly.

Technique #83 Parties Are for Pratter

Parties are for pleasantries and good fellowship, not for confrontations.

Big players, even when standing next to their enemies at the buffet table, smile and nod.

should any disagreement, misunderstanding, or controversial aspect arise, they must immediately relegate it to another table, the conference table.

Technique #84 Dinners for Dining

The most guarded safe haven respected by big winners is the dining table.

They can free associate and come up with new ideas. But no tough business.

Technique #85 Chance Encounters Are for Chitchat

If youre selling, negotiating, or in any sensitive communication with someone, do NOT capitalize on a chance meeting.

Keep the melody of your mistaken meeting sweet and light.

Technique #86 Empty Their Tanks

Whenever you are discussing emotionally charged matters, let the speaker finish completely before you jump in.

Technique #87 Echo the Emo

Facts speak. Emotions shout.

Hear their facts but empathize like mad with their emotions. Smearing on the emo is often the only way to calm their emotional storm.

Top customer service folks welcome mistakes because they know it gives their firm a chance to shine.

Technique #88 My Goof, Your Gain

Whenever you make a boner, make sure your victim benefits. Its not enough to correct your mistake. Ask yourself, What could I do for this suffering soul so he or she will be delighted I made the flub? Then do it, fast! In that way, your goof will become your gain.

By closing your mouth (and then the door forever), you are saying, You are so beneath me Im not going to even waste my words on you.

Technique #89 Leave an Escape Hatch

Whenever you catch someone lying, filching, exaggeating, distorting, or deceiving, dont confront the dirty duck directly.

A prmature letter of commendation for favors not yet received could be a clever tactic.

Technique #90 Buttercups for Their Boss

The surefire way to make them care enough to give you their very best is send a buttercup to their boss.

Technique #91 Lead the Listeners

No matter how prominent the big cat behind the podium is, crouched inside is a little scaredy-cat who is anxious about the crowds acceptance.

Be the first to applaud or publicly commend the man or woman you agree with (or want favors from).

Technique #92 The Great Scorecard in the Sky

The penalty for not keeping your eye on The Great Scorecard in the Sky is to be thrown out of the game. Permanently.

Nobody gets to the top alone.

Practice is also the fountainhead of all smooth communictions moves. Excellence is not a single and solitary action. It is the outcome of many years of making small smooth moves,

Knowing what you are doing and measuring your progress.

It turns out the key to all this learning, practicing, and sustainability revolves around the ability to measure.

The purpose of measuring is to know what to change!

Someone once told me that “gut” is an acronym for “Gave Up thinking.” I agree. Continue reading The Ultimate Blueprint for an Insanely Successful Business by Keith J. Cunningham – Notes, Quotes and Highlights

You cannot make a home within your heart for the person who will someday care for you in the softest of ways if someone else’s memory is still living there.

Sometimes two human beings don’t beat the odds, and you have to find closure in that.

Leap towards all that scares and ignites you. Just try for something while you’re here. Continue reading A Gentle Reminder by Bianca Sparacino – Notes, Quotes and Highlights